The Cost of Helping Too Much: Menopause, Money, and Messy Friendships

Bruce Anthony: Believe it. When people show you who they are. Also remember, if they’re asking for too much, might have to cut ‘em off. We gonna get into it. Let’s get it.

Bruce Anthony: Welcome, first of all, welcome. This is Unsolicited Perspectives. I’m your host, Bruce Anthony. Here to lead the conversation in important events and topics that are shaping today’s society. Join the conversation and follow us wherever you get your audio podcast. Subscribe to our YouTube channel for our video podcast and YouTube exclusive content rate review. Like, comment, share. Share with your friends, share with your family. Hell even share with your enemies.

Bruce Anthony: [00:01:00] On today’s episode, it’s the sibling happy hour. I’m here with my sis Jay, Andrea. We’re gonna be dilly dding a little bit. Then we’re gonna be talking about menopause, and then we’re gonna be talking about friends that ask for a little too much. that’s enough of the intro. Let’s get to the show. What up sis?

Bruce Anthony: I can’t call it. I can’t call it, but I can’t call it.

Bruce Anthony: situation where I can

Bruce Anthony: can’t call it.

Bruce Anthony: However, I had an interesting conversation with somebody. Now I’m not gonna get into the specifics of the conversation because people are tired of me telling they business,

Bruce Anthony: but.

I know I’ve talked about this before on my own show, but I want to get your perspective on this. A

Bruce Anthony: friend of mine just ended a friendship with another friend of theirs,

Bruce Anthony: and the reason was is because that friend of theirs did something a little bit shady.

Bruce Anthony: [00:02:00] And when my friend told me the story, I said, I don’t know why you’re surprised. This person has shown you who they were to everybody else. You just thought you was different.

Bruce Anthony: And it’s a common misconception

Bruce Anthony: have deal with their friends, families. For me personally, women that I’ve dated, like they show you who they are, the way they interact with other people, that’s who they are.

Don’t think that you’re going to be treated differently. You

Bruce Anthony: You gonna catch it. It just may take a little while.

Bruce Anthony: I think I have

Bruce Anthony: they always think that, that they are

Oh, well, no, no, remember that. Don’t forget it. And remember that when you start letting information out, you know that just, you know, remember that this person, somebody said, somebody said this once, and it is true. If you see somebody kill a bug outside, don’t trust that person.

Bruce Anthony: Wait a.

Bruce Anthony: Uh oh. Okay. Did the bug fly in your face and you swatted it

Watch how they are with their coworkers. Watch how they treat people in the service industry. Watch how they treat their family. Like just watch and you’ll see a good indicator. I think it’s always a good idea for a, uh, one of your first dates to be going out to dinner because you gotta see how that other person treats people

I.

Bruce Anthony: you ain’t gotta look, I as a male, I say you ain’t gotta go out to dinner ‘cause it’s coming out of our pockets.

Bruce Anthony: I, I went out on a date, uh, probably about a month ago or something like that, and I picked up on the fact I’m very keenly aware. ‘cause I’m always like, thank you so much,

Bruce Anthony: please.

Bruce Anthony: [00:05:00] And, and this person didn’t get nasty or rude, but just was basically like almost didn’t acknowledge them.

Bruce Anthony: And I mean, it wasn’t rude, but it, it wasn’t up to my standard

Bruce Anthony: think people should be treated. When somebody brings something to you, even if it’s their job, you say Thank you.

Like just because they’re in service doesn’t mean you gonna get good service. Okay. So when you do acknowledge it,

Bruce Anthony: Just because they’re in service don’t mean that they’re your servant.

Bruce Anthony: [00:06:00] Uh, you know, but, but back to this thing about people, you know, showing you who they are. I had this friend in high school. People that know me and know me back then are gonna know who I’m talking about, but I’m still not gonna put this person’s name out there like

Bruce Anthony: I wouldn’t put this person’s name out there anyway,

Bruce Anthony: they had sticky fingers. What I mean by that was, is I couldn’t go anywhere with them,

Bruce Anthony: them pickpocketing something,

Bruce Anthony: out of the grocery store and, and be like, Hey, man, I got this stuff. I was like, you got money?

Bruce Anthony: buy it.

Why do you always need to steal?

Bruce Anthony: Well, it was more than that. This person just wasn’t a trustworthy. And

Bruce Anthony: up on the fact that I was like, you stealing and you don’t have to steal.

Bruce Anthony: not, I understand the allure as Jay-Z says, of breaking the law.

Bruce Anthony: somewhat intoxicated,

Bruce Anthony: you clipping a Snickers bar from the seven 11,

Bruce Anthony: the point of that?

And

Bruce Anthony: and that, and then, and that person kind of betrayed me later on in college and

Bruce Anthony: [00:07:00] something to a, to a, a female friend of mine that I told him in confidence that I obviously didn’t want her to know. And he did that to do a end round to try and get with her. And I was like, I knew you was this person this entire time.

Bruce Anthony: who you were. I’ve had it with females that I dated, like certain ways that they treated their parents.

Bruce Anthony: I was like, how you gonna get mad? Your dad ‘cause he’s sick.

Bruce Anthony: a holiday and you had this all planned and you was really looking forward to holiday, your dad is sick.

Bruce Anthony: instead of being upset that the holiday is ruined, you should be worried about how sick your father is.

Bruce Anthony: But once again, I’m always thinking I’m special just because mom and dad told us we were special

Bruce Anthony: and think, I think I’m the exception to the rule and

Bruce Anthony: never been the exception to the

Bruce Anthony: sometimes.

Bruce Anthony: Well, hold on. Not trustworthy or nice. There’s two different things.

Bruce Anthony: well, which one? ‘cause I gave you

And I, I’m not friends with that person because I’m like, if you could talk crazy to your parents, I don’t,

Bruce Anthony: hold on. Now did they talk crazy to their parents in front of folks or you just heard them

Bruce Anthony: Oh, okay. Yeah. No,

Bruce Anthony: crazy to your parents. Look, I’m tired of raising my parents. Okay.

Bruce Anthony: [00:09:00] hardheaded, they, they hardheaded as hell. And every now and then you got a checkup.

You

Bruce Anthony: I’m tired of raising you.

Bruce Anthony: You supposed to be a grownup. Stop being this stubborn. But

Bruce Anthony: do it in front of somebody.

Or what would you say about me in front of other people that’s, I was like, nah, nope. No. When people show you who they are, I believe them.

Bruce Anthony: lost a friend, somebody that said they was like my big bro,

Bruce Anthony: because I hired them and then had to fire ‘em.

Bruce Anthony: And another mutual friend said, don’t do that. Don’t, don’t hire ‘em.

Bruce Anthony: [00:10:00] was like, no, no, no, no, no. That’s my big bro. You know how they are. I was like, nah, gonna do me like that.

Bruce Anthony: like. Like jeopardized my standing in the company

Bruce Anthony: here I am, the boss. I hired you.

Bruce Anthony: for you. I’m paying you more than I’m paying anybody else.

Bruce Anthony: to be my homie and I trust you. And here you go, screwing me.

Bruce Anthony: was like that person had always shown me who they were.

Bruce Anthony: Always. See that’s my problem. I be trusting in the good in people when I should just trust in the real.

Bruce Anthony: Yeah. Well,

So, no. Yeah, you have to see, you do have to meet people where they are, but if people are showing you that they’re not trustworthy, they won’t keep your confidence. They’re not honest. Things like that. Believe that. Believe that for sure.

Bruce Anthony: Yeah, I, okay. I get what you’re saying, where you’re like, are looking for people to respect you and your surrounding and your things as if you would.

Bruce Anthony: Sometimes, sometimes people’s expectations are higher than their standard.

Bruce Anthony: th uh, th their standard for themselves.

Bruce Anthony: more from other people than they expect from themselves.

Bruce Anthony: [00:12:00] that really be driving me crazy. I’m like, but hold up though. You be doing this. So how you going to

Bruce Anthony: than you when you doing the same thing?

Bruce Anthony: do fraud. I don’t do that type of fraud

Bruce Anthony: be people be out here being real life bonafide hypocrites

Bruce Anthony: will not throw everybody out and not call myself out as well. ‘cause I be a hypocrite sometimes too.

Bruce Anthony: However, when somebody calls me out on my hypocrisy, I’ll be like, oh, you know what you did right on that one.

Bruce Anthony: I had to call somebody out for their hypocrisy on religion.

Bruce Anthony: [00:13:00] Well, you know me, I love when someone, I get one of them hypocritical Christians start, start getting the preaching.

Bruce Anthony: be like, okay, well what about this, this and this? We all sin? I was like, yeah, but you judging other people’s sins a

Bruce Anthony: Hell of a harder than you judging yourself.

Bruce Anthony: person was like, what did the person say? This person sent me a meme.

Bruce Anthony: And I was like, oh, you really don’t know me. Because they sent me a meme and it was basically a, a, a a bro on a trans person.

Bruce Anthony: And I, and I was like, why’d you send this to me?

Bruce Anthony: They’d say that there’s something that they’re not. And I was like, I’m, I’m not that. I’m not your ally

Bruce Anthony: this one. You, you honestly don’t know me.

Bruce Anthony: And it was like, it’s against God’s word. I was like, first of all, no it isn’t.

Bruce Anthony: [00:14:00] just because you go to Bible study, I was like, yo, didn’t you just hook up with a dude that that helped you out on your rent and you thought this was your man?

Bruce Anthony: Yeah. I’m like, hold on. You out here having premarital sex? And I was like, the Bible say absolutely. Something about that. I was

Bruce Anthony: talk about judging.

Bruce Anthony: also talks about vanity. I

Bruce Anthony: out here doing some of the most, you participating in a lot of the seven deadly sins, but you want to judge somebody else on something that the Bible don’t even talk nothing about.

Bruce Anthony: Well, you know, I, I’m not, we not gonna get into the religion conversation

Bruce Anthony: I promise we not

Bruce Anthony: this one thing

Bruce Anthony: it won’t lead into a deep dive. I don’t want it to, but I do have to say this, American religion is not true Christianity.

Bruce Anthony: know I am. And you know what? I don’t care because it’s not America. Okay. Let I, I said something, it was real generalized. Lemme get

Bruce Anthony: Evangelical. No, there’s a lot of different denominations

Bruce Anthony: that say that they’re Christian, but they really focus on a lot of the Old Testament

Bruce Anthony: all, end all.

Bruce Anthony: And I’m like, well, you say you’re a Christian.

Bruce Anthony: Christianity is based on, uh,

Bruce Anthony: Right, right, right, right. And they, they stuck in the Old Testament.

Bruce Anthony: like, oh, okay. You, when you look at a lot of the laws were established, how this country was established, it was Old Testament.

Bruce Anthony: Testament. So yeah, that’s what I mean by a lot of people. If you out there practicing Jesus’s teachings, his true teachings, then, then you rac

Bruce Anthony: Christianity. But a

Bruce Anthony: American Christianity.

Is because Jesus isn’t giving them anybody to hate.

Bruce Anthony: [00:17:00] Mm. Well I, uh, let’s not just solely say Christian nationalism, ‘cause I know a lot of Baptists that

Bruce Anthony: that same type of hate.

Bruce Anthony: So

Bruce Anthony: the reason why I said in, there’s

Bruce Anthony: of, look Mormons, they excluded black people until the seventies.

Bruce Anthony: even be black and Mormon. Now I walk down the street, Mormons is all up in my face talking about, Hey, you wanna go to church?

I was like, I thought I wasn’t allowed. All right. That’s enough of religion. ‘cause we gonna go off on a, on a

Bruce Anthony: we definitely gonna do that. But I tell you what’s also crazy

Bruce Anthony: menopause. We going get into that next

Bruce Anthony: [00:18:00] Jay. We gonna talk about menopause

Bruce Anthony: and look, some of my men are gonna be turned off by this, but don’t worry guys, I’m gonna bring it all around. The reason why this affects you as well and why you need to be a little bit more considerate

Bruce Anthony: fact that you don’t have to go through this.

Bruce Anthony: you said you wanted to go through menopause and I don’t even

Bruce Anthony: I didn’t mean go through it.

Bruce Anthony: like get to it,

Bruce Anthony: it. ‘cause I don’t even know what menopause is.

Bruce Anthony: Alright. Well I was reading this article.

Bruce Anthony: It was in NNBC News. It’s written by, uh, the contribu contributing added.

[00:19:00] Hmm. Contribu. Mm. This tastes pretty good. This tastes pretty good by Bethany Hitman, the contributing editor from NBC News. And the title of the article is Menopause Can Do a Doozy on Your Teeth. what to Do. So lot of people are like menopause and teeth. Bruce, what is your point to all of this? My point is to establish that women be going through it.

So in this article, it highlights a significant but often overlooked impact of menopause on oral health. Declining estrogen levels during menopause can trigger a range of dental issues, including dry mouth, increased risk of cavities, gum disease, and even changes in taste. Now, when I read that, I said that’s the reason why women have such a hard time pick, picking out what restaurant they want to go to. Women don’t come at me. That’s just a joke. It’s just a joke,

Bruce Anthony: also explains a lie. Anyway, the the article features insights from both a gynecologist and a dis and, and a dentist who explain these effects and provide practical strategies for maintaining oral health during menopause, such as good oral hygiene, which by the way, you should be doing

Bruce Anthony: [00:20:00] Staying hydrated. Regular dentist visit ve regular dental visits, which once again, you should be doing all the time

Bruce Anthony: and consulting healthcare providers about treatment options like hormone therapy. We’re gonna get into all of that. But Jaya, just as first glance when I

Bruce Anthony: menopause and oral health, that’s something that really is not talked about, but like the article says, it’s something that’s very, very important.

We’ll get into the details later, but when I just tell you, yo, you, there’s something else you gotta worry about, not just the hot

Bruce Anthony: What else is in menopause?

Bruce Anthony: now it’s more,

Bruce Anthony: I didn’t, I personally didn’t add it.

Bruce Anthony: [00:21:00] Well, your teeth don’t necessarily have to fall out. Fall out. Okay. Aside from the, the regular associated symptoms from menopause, of which you just established, you know, hot flashes and mood swings, which by the way did not know mood swings was part of menopause, is that also a part of pre-menopause?

Bruce Anthony: no, no, no. Tell me the story.

Bruce Anthony: Okay.

Bruce Anthony: technically you’re over 40 right

[00:22:00] Has been having mood swings. She did not realize it. We all go out and boy, she’s just talking to us crazy. To the point where we are just like, why are you talking to us like this? So later on in the evening, we bring it back up again and we’re like, and she was like, did I really do that? And then it, it, it upset her because she didn’t realize that mood.

Your mood. Yes. I mean, heavy swings. Now I’m not talking about her specifically. I’m talking about in general where you’re, you’re up and then boy, you’re down, then you’re crying, then you’re laughing hysterically mood swings. Yes.

Bruce Anthony: how, you ain’t gotta get into specifics, but how, how was, how was she talking to you? Crazy.

We like, Hey, why, why you got so someone’s a lot of sauce on that. Okay.

Bruce Anthony: It was last sauce.

Bruce Anthony: So for my men that are listening to the show, it’s just like, oh man, he talking about menopause. Oh, why? He, even folks in on that, he always talking about stuff that ain’t men related. No, this is, this is a man related, because a lot of times guys don’t understand what women are going through physically and, and this is what I’ll say about that learn, it’s

Bruce Anthony: they can explain it, maybe they can’t explain it, but there is Google,

Bruce Anthony: research information to find out why your woman is acting a particular way. It might legitimately have nothing to do with you as evident.

Bruce Anthony: Yeah. Uh, not Joe Rogan,

Bruce Anthony: rep. So,

Bruce Anthony: is diagnosed 12 months after the menstruation cycle. Uh, pre menopause is the preceding phase marked by declining of estrogen.

Bruce Anthony: all affects your oral health. Well, for women out there, estrogen is vital for oral tissue health. Declining estrogen can cause. Once we said before, dry mouth burning sensation in the tongue, heightened gum sensitivity, altered taste.

Bruce Anthony: So wait a minute, what? Burning sensation in the tongue?

It’s insane.

Bruce Anthony: hormonal changes increase the risk of gum inflammation, gingivitis, paradoxical disease. Now

Bruce Anthony: that’s what I said.

I’m just kidding.

Bruce Anthony: Uh, uh, yeah. Uh, it’s not a dinosaur disease.

Bruce Anthony: Reduce saliva production, which is essential for neutralizing acid, preventing decay

Bruce Anthony: [00:26:00] sustainable, uh, greatly. It makes you susceptible to cavities, infections, and difficulties with speaking or swallowing. Menopause may also increase osteoporosis risk, weakening the jawbone, and potentially leading to tooth, tooth loss or complications with dental implants.

Bruce Anthony: fellas out here, they talk about menopause ain’t no big thing. We don’t want to go through it. Look, first of all, you tell me that I’m gonna have dry mouth. I got dry mouth all the time. I. Anyway, and I don’t even know why I brush my teeth and floss every day.

Bruce Anthony: don’t know why I have dry mouth.

Okay. I have had gingivitis one time. It is not cool.

Bruce Anthony: Um, gingivitis is not cool. I know of a man that had to get his gums pulled down because they were raising too high that was making his teeth loose.

Bruce Anthony: what, what is that? He was like, yeah, it’s a common

Bruce Anthony: [00:27:00] like, then immediately I run to the mirror and start looking at my gums and saying, are my teeth loose? it’s, it’s what? Look, I could deal with a lot of things. I could deal with rashes all over my body. You can give me boils

Bruce Anthony: as long as I can cover ‘em up and people can’t see it, you

Bruce Anthony: I would rather go through that than lose my teeth.

Bruce Anthony: A dental, it could be two to five grand per tooth. Come on, Roscoe. We trying to film a show. Roscoe’s in the background barking. It

Bruce Anthony: grand a tooth. Unless you go to Mexico.

Bruce Anthony: Well, I didn’t say there was a problem, just I, you gotta get to Mexico.

Bruce Anthony: it is a big deal to me. So

Bruce Anthony: strategies for maintaining dental health during menopause. You know, good oral hygiene.

Bruce Anthony: fluoride. Two pills, two p, not tooth place

Bruce Anthony: floss daily and use alcohol free mouthwash. Alcohol free mouthwash. I

Bruce Anthony: What is, what is Listerine?

Bruce Anthony: Oh, okay. Uh, you

Bruce Anthony: hydrated and cri increase your fluid intake to combat dry mouth. Consider saliva substitutes. Uh, regular Dental Venice, we said that before. You gotta get your checkups, you gotta get your cleaning. It’s crucial for all that stuff. And if you’re going through it, go ahead talk to a healthcare provider.

You know, if you’re starting to have oral symptoms that are related to, you know, menopause,

Bruce Anthony: know, ‘cause you don’t want, you don’t want your teeth to fall out. I don’t care what you say. I don’t want my eyeballs or my teeth to fall out. Those are the

Bruce Anthony: tomato.

And so, yes, it’s also referred to as andropause or male menopause. Yes,

Bruce Anthony: what the hell happens?

[00:30:00] And it’s basically characterized by a gradual decline in testosterone levels.

Bruce Anthony: okay. Yeah.

Bruce Anthony: Well, I mean our, our testosterone levels start to decrease at the age of 30 anyway, which is crazy because as women are going through menopause, their libido spikes. Women’s libido spikes in their forties and up

Bruce Anthony: it it, a woman’s libido spikes in her forties.

Bruce Anthony: dealt with a lot of 40 year olds and they got the strongest libidos

Bruce Anthony: [00:31:00] is, maybe I’m thinking of pre-menopause, whatever women there it, it is a joke that I think God played on us. Whereas men’s libidos, it’s at the height, it’s like 20, 25 years old. For women, it’s like 30, 35 years old. As the men’s libido starts to decline, the woman’s libido starts to rise. And that’s the reason why you have all these stories of these married men talking about, man, she was on me all day.

I was like, look, I only got one round in me who she think I am. Shamar Moore. I ain’t no Blair Underwood.

Pops from the wan, the WANs brothers. Everybody saw that? No. So yes. Men’s sexual drive tends to peak in their late teens and early twenties, while women often experience their peak in their thirties. So before menopause, before menopause.

Bruce Anthony: that I was going through menopause, but there was a lot of things that just don’t, uh, uh, like I am definitely not losing muscle mass

Bruce Anthony: density.

Bruce Anthony: testosterone is decreasing just because it just naturally decreases. I

Bruce Anthony: have a relatively high level testosterone, but that just be, that just could be because I work out all the time. ‘cause that helps boost testosterone. But we,

Bruce Anthony: to menopause.

Bruce Anthony: Look fellas out here. You think life is easy for a woman? It seems like it’s the worst. I, what I mean by this is like, I’m so glad, I still think women are the superior of gender. go by male, female, gender, I still feel like women are the apex because they’re smarter. They’re, they’re more emotionally intelligent. They’re more caring. They have a higher pain threshold. The only thing that we have over them is physical strength. That’s it. It was, even, I learned this women weren’t allowed to be astronauts, uh, and nasa. Right.

Bruce Anthony: [00:33:00] But the women still wanted to go through the same tests that the men were going through, and, and they go through physical tests, they go through mental tests, emotional tests, all this type of stuff.

Bruce Anthony: They found out that women scored higher on everything except for physical. ‘cause men are just physically

Bruce Anthony: scored higher on everything else. So they are the more evolved, more advanced version of the human species. Okay. They just are

Bruce Anthony: Yeah, that’s, well, that’s the

Bruce Anthony: yeah. No,

Bruce Anthony: that’s the reason why they’re more evolved.

Bruce Anthony: I mean, if you keep teaching kids at, at from birth, how to say their ABCs one, two, threes, right? Do they one, two, threes and you have another group of kids that they don’t even get that information until they’re 20. Those kids that are getting that from when they’re babies.

Bruce Anthony: Each generation is gonna build upon that and be more evolved.

We’ve got thousands of years where women have been given the right

Bruce Anthony: emotional, address those emotions, learn how to deal with those emotions. And men have not just ‘cause we getting started now don’t mean that we gonna catch up.

Bruce Anthony: about intelligence.

Bruce Anthony: and ‘cause it ain’t manly. And, and, and when I say men are physically stronger, I mean simply, physically stronger. They cannot. the physical pain that women can

Bruce Anthony: you, if men had to go through, well, I guess there is menopause, but it is not widely known. Right?

And, and not every guy has to go through it. But if men had to go through that woo,

Bruce Anthony: not talking about the pain.

Bruce Anthony: how, how does what, what research is that?

[00:37:00] So like, there’s really no way to scientifically determine if you have a higher pain threshold aside from like sitting them down applying a painful stimulus. And when do they report feeling the sensation of pain? I feel like men would tend to hold out longer before reporting pain.

Bruce Anthony: because it toxic masculinity, but that doesn’t mean that they have a higher threshold of pain. Case in point, you’ve seen the videos where they have that machine that mimics menstrual cramps.

Bruce Anthony: Men double over a three and women would be like, this ain’t nothing but a light Tuesday.

Bruce Anthony: Oh,

Bruce Anthony: Nah, sitting up here trying to big up women. And you. You come, you a

Bruce Anthony: now.

Bruce Anthony: holes. In my theory, I’m gonna stand by my theory that women are the more advanced, more evolved, superior version of the human species. And going through this menopause is just another prime example that you could lose your teeth.

Bruce Anthony: men will lose their teeth ‘cause they did something stupid thinking that they go out there and could play softball. The sun is in their eye, softball hit ‘em in their mouth, they lose a tooth.

Bruce Anthony: been out there trying to play anyway. You was 55 years old trying to live

Bruce Anthony: from 40 years ago.

Bruce Anthony: our two teeth

Bruce Anthony: dumb stuff. Y’all lose it. Just being in existence,

Bruce Anthony: I think, I swear, it’s God’s cruel joke on women. Y’all are the, y’all are the bringers of life, but also the life is sucked outta you every day.

Okay? That’s why you had to take, uh, more vitamins and eat more stuff because this baby is feeding off of you. Like, I mean, that’s, that’s what happens. All right? And then they’re here, and then they aid you because they be doing dumb stuff like getting hit in the face baseball and knock their teeth out.

And then that’s, that’s a bill for me. That’s a bill now. Thank you. Yeah.

Bruce Anthony: ‘em. I love the kids. Love

Bruce Anthony: [00:40:00] Alright, that’s enough. Talking about menopause. Let’s talk about when your friends just be asking for too much and we gonna get into that next.

Bruce Anthony: Alright Jay, it is thundering over where you

Bruce Anthony: lose power. So we gonna finish up this last segment the best we can, and it’s another Reddit post and it’s called What should I Do? This is what the poster writes. My, my longtime friend Jennifer, is a single mom of three kids, ages five, eight, and 10.

She was married, but divorced her husband about three years ago, and the husband isn’t very involved or helpful, and the kids actually preferred not to see him. For the past five years, I’ve helped Jennifer raise her kids as she works different jobs to help support her kids.

Bruce Anthony: [00:41:00] In addition to paying 30% of her rent, often provide groceries, groceries, and help with taking the kids to and from school. Yes, I know it’s above and beyond, but I care about the kids and I see that Jennifer is truly struggling. Last Friday, her oldest was involved in the accident at school during their PE class. From what I was told, they were playing flag football and one of the bigger kids legit tackled her as a joke. However, this actually caused a severe injury where not only, where only was her hip dislocated, but required immediate surgery to fix and tear. tear in the tendon.

Bruce Anthony: I spent the last five days at the hospital with Jennifer and her kids, bringing them food, sitting in with doctors and taking notes. Just being a support system.

However, I’ve spent a lot of my own money during this time, and now Jennifer is asking me lot of help, is asking me to

Bruce Anthony: [00:42:00] didn’t write well, but that’s okay. With her daughter being released from the hospital soon. Jennifer has to make up all the money she lost by not going to work and somehow pay for a lawyer to sue the school and cover all those hospital expenses.

[00:43:00] She asked me to pay her entire rent for the month of May. In addition to all that I’ve already spent and says it’s only for this month. This is a huge ask of me and I would and would essentially take up my whole paycheck. She begs me for this kind of help. I feel so bad for her since she’s so emotional and stressed out from this whole ordeal, but I feel like she’s also being unfair by asking me to do so much. On a personal note, she hasn’t said thank you once to anything that I’ve done. Again, I’ve let it slide due to the amount of information she’s getting. People, people that are te talking to her. Family that are consistently calling her for updates, but it does anger me slightly that she hasn’t shown any gratitude and is now asking me for even more. Again, I don’t mean to make this about myself, but I’ve gotta, but I’ve torn on if I should make this huge sacrifice and help Jennifer, or if I feel like she’s asking for too much now, what should I or she do,

Bruce Anthony: That’s a hell of a shot to shoot.

Bruce Anthony: She already paying 30% on

[00:44:00] If it was an ask that she made and you got it, you wouldn’t write a Reddit post about it. If you’re, it is, you said it was essentially take up your whole paycheck and, and you’re asking me to do so much and it’s too much, and is this, it is such a huge sacrifice. That’s, these are all key indicators to me that you don’t have it like that.

And she’s assuming that you do because of all that you do for her and that you don’t ask for nothing in return, including paying 30% of her rent, groceries, picking the kids up, going, being at the hospital, all this stuff. She’s assuming that you got it. This is gonna be a turning point if this could be a turning point in your friendship.

[00:45:00] When you tell her, I would, you know, I would do anything for you. I don’t have that. I don’t have your whole, I don’t have the whole month. I could do what I’ve been doing. And you could see if you could find somebody or a couple people to help you come up with that other 70%. Or you can talk to your leasing office, let them know what the situation going on and see if they can make an exception or give you an extension, but I don’t have it.

And then watch her response. Because a lot of people keep you in their life for what you do for them and not for you. And so if she starts to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong by protecting your own finances and your own household, then you know where you stand with that person. But if she says, Fran, I understand.

I just, I thought I’d ask ‘cause I just. You always been here, so I thought I would ask, but I completely understand. Then you know that then you might even be more inclined to help her out if she says, I completely understand. Thank you so much for all you’ve been doing. I know I haven’t really gotten a chance because everything’s been such a whirlwind, I haven’t gotten a chance to say that, you know, if that’s the term the conversation takes, you might be more willing to say, okay, maybe I can kick in 50%.

[00:46:00] Right? But all of the language in here is telling me you ain’t got that and you need to tell her you don’t have it. And it’s, it’s, it’s hard. I, I know it’s hard. This is your friend. You’re being your longtime friend and you see she’s struggling, but you don’t wanna put yourself in a position where you’re struggling, but you can’t feel from an empty cup.

And it just is what it is.

Bruce Anthony: I, I, I, I like your sympathetic approach to this. You know,

Bruce Anthony: I, I I love the empathy and the sympathy that you are showing,

Bruce Anthony: uh, the poster. And Jennifer,

Bruce Anthony: I, on the other hand,

Bruce Anthony: am not gonna be like that

Bruce Anthony: me to pay your whole damn rent for it. You out your mind. That’s a hell of an ask. And I know you say you shoot your shot.

[00:47:00] No. There’s just some things that you just don’t ask for. And now maybe it’s something wrong with me. ‘cause I’m genuinely the person that doesn’t ask for help when I need it. And that’s a problem in and of itself.

Bruce Anthony: is asking for way too much fact of the matter is why wouldn’t she taking her ass to work? Her kid need to have surgery. The kid’s in the hospital, I get it. But if your home girl is sitting up there

Bruce Anthony: helping out.

Bruce Anthony: Take your ass to work while your home girl is there. I can go pick up a couple hours on my shift or something like that. Go start a GoFundMe. Start a OnlyFans. Okay. Do something. Do something.

Bruce Anthony: me for your whole rent. The audacity. If, if, if the person had phrased it a little differently and be like, Hey look, you know, things is a little tight. I got all this stuff going on. Can you, is there any way that you might be able to gimme a little extra more on the rent than you normally would?

[00:48:00] If you can’t, that’s cool. I understand, but a little bit more not. Can you take care of the whole month? ‘cause this is the one point that you didn’t bring up that was specified by the poster. She said her friend said it would only be for this month. don’t believe that because she hired a lawyer

Bruce Anthony: to sue the school.

First of all, I. It’s a, it’s a, uh, it’s a case where it’s like a car accident case. What do they call those?

Bruce Anthony: No, no, no. Where you got the, the malpractice, not malpractice lawsuits, but it’s like a,

Bruce Anthony: personal injury,

Bruce Anthony: They take that, they don’t take no money upfront. They take it, they cut at the end

Bruce Anthony: lawyer fees are you paying? That’s first and foremost. First and foremost. Uh, no, that’s second ‘cause I already pointed out. How the hell is she going to ask for the whole month rent? So that’s second.

Bruce Anthony: [00:49:00] third. ‘cause the second thing that I pointed out was that she could have been taking her ass to work when a friend was there. Uh, she might as well just move in with a friend. paying 30% on the rent anyway. How much, how much, how much of a friend do you gotta be you’re hurting yourself in the process?

Bruce Anthony: I am not even talking about that. I’m talking about is it, when is it a time where you be selfish for yourself and say, Hey, look, a friend, I love you to death, but you are costing me money that I could be doing other things with. I could be living my life. You’re hindering me living my life. Because at no point did she say that.

[00:50:00] Her friend was like, yeah, once I get on my fee with these other jobs, you won’t even have to pay me a 30%. No. This is a built, built-in monthly expense to for your friend. And look, I’m all for helping people. I’m all for it. But for her not to even say thank you, that means that feels like this help is just part of the friendship.

It sounds like it’s some something that the author is offering,

Bruce Anthony: so you

Bruce Anthony: the author is, has has been offering this that gave Jen, that gave Jennifer the idea like, can you just take care of all the rent since you’re doing

Bruce Anthony: what she said is just take up her whole paycheck.

Like I can’t go two weeks broke. So that you can have your rent paid. I, I don’t have it. And then clock her response.

Bruce Anthony: but my thing was she had family calling to ask about the kid. Family need to be like, Hey, go take a collection plate at the local church

Bruce Anthony: some of these bills.

Bruce Anthony: I, I

Can you cover the whole thing? Like

Bruce Anthony: me 30%? Can you

Bruce Anthony: the whole seven? Can

Bruce Anthony: I don’t, I think she might just be, zing her a little bit of money or

Bruce Anthony: hold on. Another thing that bothers me about Jennifer, the reason why this ask, you know, I am really, I’m really like, I look at people and I’m like, you made decisions to get to this point.

Bruce Anthony: decisions that you made before you were at this point,

Bruce Anthony: Rent is due every month

Bruce Anthony: and

Bruce Anthony: Okay. I don’t know. Too many times it’s been an exception, even when it, the first falls on a holiday, rent is

Bruce Anthony: always due.

Bruce Anthony: [00:53:00] So you going through this whole process knowing that rent is due and you not doing anything to help to try and cut that problem off before you get to it, right?

Like

Bruce Anthony: there are steps that people get to. When people ask me for help, I’m always like, well, how’d you get to this point?

Bruce Anthony: Did you do this, this, this, this, and this?

Bruce Anthony: Well, I mean, it sounds to me like you living dumb. Why should I have to pay for your dumb actions?

Bruce Anthony: What?

Bruce Anthony: It like

Bruce Anthony: [00:54:00] rent. None of the rent. That’s what I’m saying. That’s the reason why I was like, you’re being real empathetic and you’re being real sympathetic to this whole situation. And I look at, when I look at situations and I’m like, how did you get here?

Bruce Anthony: dumb ass decisions did you make to get to this point? And why did you let it wait to get to this point

Bruce Anthony: asking me for help? Because if you had asked me for help five days ago, I would’ve been like, what are you doing to, uh, make sure that we can cut this off at the path?

Bruce Anthony: This problem off of the path. Oh, well I’m, I haven’t been able to go to work.

Well, I’m here. You can leave. There’s no reason for both of us to be here.

Bruce Anthony: You can go.

Bruce Anthony: Well, I don’t wanna leave. Well then when the rent is due, on you. Because I’m giving you options here

Bruce Anthony: that when people come to me with these type of problems, I’m like, look,

Bruce Anthony: I could be Spock sometimes and be real logical and and devoid of, of certain emotions, but when it comes to putting yourself in dumb situations, that’s other people.

[00:55:00] See, if this was, yo, you messed up a situation. You live by yourself. Rent is due. You got to figure it out.

Bruce Anthony: well, I mean, that’s you,

Bruce Anthony: you affecting me and your kids. ‘cause your dumb decisions.

So there, I don’t see any reason why these kids aren’t on Medicaid. So

Bruce Anthony: She might be in a state where they make it real tough to get on Medicaid.

Bruce Anthony: Oh, well,

So again, it’s like, I, I see your point too of like, okay, well what have you looked into as far as getting these hospital and missing five days? Shouldn’t mean you can’t pay none of your rent for that month

Bruce Anthony: The only, the only thing I could think of, she work at a restaurant and it was gonna be some mega week where she was gonna make her whole rent check. And if that’s how she living in the first place,

Bruce Anthony: [00:57:00] in and of itself. Look, I, I’m all for helping. This is gonna come off as me just being like a, a hard ass.

I’m all for helping people. I’m not knocking her friend for having that big heart and, and helping her friend out,

Bruce Anthony: I see, know this is just words on the paper I see. Will you help me out all the time anyway, what’s the big deal covering this? And I

Bruce Anthony: see a slippery soap where she says it’s just one month. But some of these situations that’s going on is not going to end immediately. Right now,

Bruce Anthony: the kid won’t be in the hospital anymore, but it’s not like the kid had had to repair a tendon and had a dislocated hip.

Bruce Anthony: kid is not gonna be able to move around really well for a while.

Bruce Anthony: she probably gonna have to be home, which means she probably ain’t gonna be able to go to work, right? If, if she’s paying lawyer fees, that’s not gonna end tomorrow.

Bruce Anthony: These type of personal injury type things, lawsuits take a minute,

Bruce Anthony: take a long

Bruce Anthony: so I see, I foresee, I look at how problems are presented to

Bruce Anthony: [00:58:00] and what can potentially be more problematic from, from this one initial problem.

Bruce Anthony: Hmm. Look, she need to do the opposite of what Flory said. Flory said. All you gotta do is say yes. you gotta do is say no.

Bruce Anthony: On that note, Jay, what do you wanna tell the people out here?

Bruce Anthony: I

Bruce Anthony: [00:59:00] I use no all the time. the reason why people don’t ask me for too much anymore. On that note, ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you for listening. I want to thank you for watching, and until next time, as always, I’ll holler.

Bruce Anthony: Hold on. Lemme make sure I’m in the middle of the screen. Shit, hold on. That’s not what I wanted to do. Hold on. Shit. All right. There we go. Yeah, I’m in the middle. Alright. You can hear me and everything good, right? Alright, uh, did you get any chance to run, to go through the rundown?

Bruce Anthony: We can, we could throw a little bit of that in there. In there too.

Bruce Anthony: Alright, so let’s try to be done. I, I have to, I don’t have to be done, but I’m pushing it close. 5 45, so it’s 4 28 right now. Let’s go 5 45. Let’s try to have the segments be no more than 20 minutes.

Bruce Anthony: [01:00:00] And that last one, um, if we, if we go long, I’m gonna cut off one of the Reddits. I want to talk about the, the, um, where the friend is asking for too much, but I also wanna talk about what was the other one?

Shit,

about talking to a family, about their marriage.

Bruce Anthony: If we run long and it’s over an hour, I’m going to cut and then we could talk a quick 10 minutes. I do want to get into the wedding thing and I’ll put that on the YouTube exclusive.

Bruce Anthony: All right, you ready?

Bruce Anthony: How am I gonna start this shit? How I’m gonna start it? Shit. Okay, I got it.

Bruce Anthony: Welcome, first of all, welcome. This is Unsolicited Perspectives. I’m your host, Bruce Anthony here to lead the I Here to lead the something. You get to lead something.

Bruce Anthony: Yeah.

Yes, it’s thunderstorm all last week. All this week

Bruce Anthony: internet is starting to ride out. Let’s, let’s continue with

Bruce Anthony: shit getting shaky.

Bruce Anthony: All right. It’s 5 29 right

Bruce Anthony: this out to 10 minutes and then I gotta get off ‘cause then I gotta go to work. right, you ready?

Bruce Anthony: [01:02:00] Woo. That was a hell of a show. Thank you for rocking with us here on Unsolicited Perspectives with Bruce Anthony. Now, before you go, don’t forget to follow, subscribe, like, comment, and share our podcast. Wherever you’re listening or watching it to it, pass it along to your friends. If you enjoy it, that means the people that you rock, we’ll enjoy it also.

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Audi 5,000 Peace.